Out of the depths . . .

I am a blubbering mass of energy and pain, confused about which to indulge and unable to sleep. My doc says that the pain/numbness/tingling as a result of the bulging disk between vertebrae C7 and C8 is of the "recurring and remitting" variety, meaning the irritation will ebb and flow no matter how well I feel I am becoming. This explains why there was a relapse almost 2 weeks ago. This explains why I'm a irritable mess with my sleep cycles interrupted. The pain killers and muscle relaxers are to be taken at night, but I always need to sleep for longer with those than I would normally.

In the midst of all of this, I'm knitting and thinking about writing. I think I will explode soon. I wish the explosion would get rid of the pain and irritation. I can't sit still. I have too much to do, and the doing requires sitting still.

I have finished the front and back of a sweater that I'll submit to Knit Picks. I have only to knit the sleeves, but I need to measure the sleeve length on the gal who will get this because she is a petite size. Still, it's not too hard to figure -- just about 1" less in the length from wrist to underarm, then 1" less in the sleeve cap. Not too hard. And it will be the endless slog of stockinette stitch, mainly because this is still written for that adventurous "newbie" knitter. Besides, stockinette stitch is what makes sense for the design.

In other news, the hubby and I will attend our first Seder on the evening of March 30th. One of the progressive synagogues is hosting a community Seder on that evening. I've downloaded one Haggadah from the Internet just to get a feel for what we'll be experiencing. In reviewing it last week I realized that the Catholic communion wafer is very much akin to the afikoman, an "olive-sized" piece of the matzoh that is eaten toward the end of the seder. I do wish someone had addressed these things when I was a kid in Catholic school. It would have made religion class so much more interesting.

Well, it's nearing Passover and Holy Week, so the various Christian churches are advertising their "living last supper" performances. This always makes me wonder whether they are inviting a bunch of people to watch them enjoy a seder? Hah! I'll bet not. A seder takes 3 - 4 hours, and no one really knows that Jesus said (or when he said it) during this meal. Besides, in a real seder everyone would been reclining (the afikoman is eaten while reclining toward the left). I wonder whether the Christian churches will be doing a "Da Vinci" version of the last supper -- Jesus in the center and six men on either side of him, and all of them Italian. No mention of Moses, no one asking the four questions . . . It's so sad to learn how ill-informed we have been through our desire to remain "pure." Once again the desire for purity leads to an instability. There is greater strength in diversity, but "diversity" has become a word with evil connotations among the fundamentalist conservatives who command the attention of the simple-minded.

My head hurts. My shoulder hurts. My soul hurts. Time for sleep.

A Dose of Perspective for the Well-Intentioned

I have psoriasis. You’d think that would be enough to have to say, but it’s not. Therefore, I will attempt to answer a whole lot of questions here:

No, it is not the same as eczema. Eczema is a histamine reaction through the skin. Psoriasis is an over-production of skin cells in a highly localized area; it is believed to be an auto-immune system disorder.

Yes, I have tried that cream / remedy / lotion / pill / method.

No, this is not merely a “dry skin” disorder.

Yes, I see a doctor about it.

No, it’s not affected by the seasons.

Yes, I realize it’s unsightly.

No, there is no cure. It’s not like people are dying from psoriasis. Therefore I feel very fortunate that this is not cancer or blindness or loss of a limb or any of myriad illnesses and/or conditions that would be truly terrible to have to cope with.

Can we all agree that this is the end of the discussion?

Thank you.

Bliss and the Following Thereof

On Monday, 1 March, I went to lunch with four girlfriends: Trish, Amy, Glynnis, and Miriam. We celebrated the end of February with laughter, discussion of books, speculation about the need for ritual among societies, and a magnificent lunch amid hopes for an early thaw.

So far the weather has been cooperating: We've had temps above freezing each day since 1 March, and this weekend it was as high as 52º (F) with a bit of gentle rain to speed the washing away of the snowy mess we've been trudging around in since early December 2009.

The knitting has been only variably cooperative, which is to say that some things have gotten done (the waffle socks and one scarf) and other things have failed miserably. I'd cast on a summer top with King Tut mercerized cotton and a smashingly magnificent idea. Unfortunately I had figured it on a gauge for using US 7 needles but I'd cast on with US 4 needles. I need my head examined. I was about 6" into the body before I figured it out. No wonder it was 4" too small around! (I kept thinking it would block out.) And then I'd cast on and ripped out a different top -- a variation of the King Tut one I was working on -- because the pattern stitch just wasn't working to my satisfaction. So I cast on again...and ripped out again. And then I did that one more time before I just put the yarn aside and admitted that what I really and truly wanted to work on was a woolen pullover for which I'd already worked out the design but had put aside thinking I'd work on it later so that its finish would be more in line with the time of year when people actually want to knit woolen pullovers.

No, that pullover wanted to be started now and the Knitting Fates were making sure I knew it. So, the woolen pullover has been started and is going along without a hitch. It's a kind of royal blue color. It's a simple stitch pattern that will finish with a lavish cable on the front.

Speaking of bliss, I've also found new enjoyment in the Three Pines series of detective fiction by Louise Penny. These feature as a protagonist Chief Inspector Armande Gamache of Montreal. Set in the present day, they still read like works of the Golden Age of detective fiction, yet with modern references and bits of humor. I've read the first five books in the series, and I'm awaiting the next as well as I can. She's a marvelous writer.

Among the Living (barely)

These last two months have been the biggest challenge:

• Snow
• More Snow
• It's even snowing today
• Temps rarely even as high as freezing.
• Shoulder/Neck problems (getting better, but still challenging)
• Mom unexpectedly in the hospital
• Mom back home, but "physical therapy" consisted of one visit and a sheet of exercises to do (great follow-up VNA - NOT!)
• Husband has the blues over not being employed
• Dog vomit
• Cats want attention
• Knitted top lost to major gauge swatch lie
• Husband has bronchitis
• House is a breeding ground for germs
• Now I'm getting sick.

On the plus side, my "Knitting Olympics" consists of several events, of which I have completed one so far:

• Sock Moguls (finishing the 2nd of a pair of waffle socks) -- DONE!
• Cross-Country Sleeve Slog (finishing the sleeves of a top-down cardigan)
• Figured Lace Skating (finishing up the kernel scarf, which is quite lovely)

Considering I'm near to being on the injured/sick list, I'll be surprised if I get much more than the sleeves done on the cardigan. Hmmmm.... maybe I should switch events and just knit a pair of socks again. Or a 1x1 rib scarf. Yeah, that could be good. Something that matches my nearly brainless state.

I'll be glad when winter is over!

Wise Words for Healing

The pain in my neck turns out to be a “moderate” bulge of the disk between C7 & T1.  It’s being managed with physical therapy and medication.

 

These kind words were sent by my HP friend Katie:

 

While you're managing the impingement, try to find  time to mentally set down all those burdens you've been carrying the past year or so...get the stress and  worries off your back, so to speak, and remember that there are so many offering support.  think there may have been times when it seemed that you had to be responsible for [your DH’s] well being as well as your own and it's hard living lives at once.

               

And if you have to speak of the pain, I find it easier to think of it in lower case letters – irksome but not worthy of Capital Letters [which are] for the important stuff like Love, Kindness, Happiness, Doggies, Knitting Patterns. I've found a way of pushing it off to a remote corner of my brain to scream and carry on all it wants while I'm consciously stretching and moving myself forward.

               

It's amazing and bizarrely rewarding to find out how much one can overcome, but I hope your discomfort is short-lived and non-recurring. Hope you're back knitting up a storm soon.

 

A Pain in the Neck

Last November I was having some trouble with pain down my right arm. It was thought to be an impingement of the ulnar nerve and the cause seemed to be from poor posture (rounded shoulders, chin jutting forward). My doctor gave me prescriptions for a pain killer (hydrocodone), a muscle relaxant (cyclobenzaprine), and an anti-inflammatory (ibuprofen 800 mg), plus a referral to physical therapy (Community Rehab -- magnificent people!). I took the pain killer and muscle relaxant at night because they made me tired; I took the anti-inflammatory as directed and I did my exercises and monitored my posture. All healed.

This past Tuesday I woke in the morning with sharp pain in my right scapula that also went down my arm and into my hand. I figured I just slept wrong somehow and had impinged a different nerve. I did my exercises; I even went to my workout (we modified the workout to account for the pain and possible impingement). Tuesday night I just couldn't sleep because of the continued (and now worsened) pain. It seemed to be in the trapezius muscle and near the spine, but it radiated through the scapula and down through my elbow. I took one of the leftover hydrocodone from November around 10:30 p.m. No joy. I took another one around 1:00 a.m. and put some heat on the painful part.

On Wednesday morning I called in sick to the office, then called my doctor for an appointment.

* * * * *

As an aside, I'd like to mention that I tried getting an appointment with a chiropractor. I called the place I'd gone to 2 years ago, the one that still sends emails to me on a regular (almost daily) basis. I said, "I'm in terrible pain. Can I get in to see someone this morning?" The guy who answered the phone hemmed and hawed, then said that they weren't seeing anyone until the afternoon. I hung up. Then I called a 2nd place which had been recommended by a friend. I said the same thing ("I'm in terrible pain; can I get in to see someone this morning?"). The lady who answered hemmed and hawed and said that the doctors were all preparing to go out of town. I told her that this was not my problem and I hung up. I called a third place, said the same thing, and the lady who answered hemmed and hawed and hemmed and hawed, so I finally hung up. Later that morning I happened to see my original chiropractor and when I told him I'd tried to get in that morning he said (with a huge grin of satisfaction), "Oh, yes, we had a seminar this morning! It was great!" They all are now on my list of places never to call if I have a problem. I'll be sending each one of them a letter of explanation of how they managed to lose a customer.

* * * * *

So, I got in to see my doctor at 10:00 a.m. He gave me new prescriptions for all of the above, plus another referral to Community Rehab for physical therapy. I got into Community Rehap at 1:00 p.m. for an appointment. As usual, they were wonderful -- moist heat packs, "E-STIM" and more exercises (these for median nerve impingement). And then I went to my part-time job. Wednesday night I did my exercises, took my meds, and went to sleep.

Thursday morning I had another session at Community Rehab before going to my full-time job. The therapeutic measures managed to keep the pain at bay until about 1:00 p.m. when it came back full force. I did my exercises to no avail. I spent the rest of the day just trying to manage the pain without drugs. After work I went to see the amazing J for some gratuitous massage.

@ @ @ @ @

As an aside, the amazing J is a licensed massage therapist. He's serious about what he does. He doesn't need to burn incense or play new-age music while he works (you can do that yourself if you like, but it's not what he carries around in his massage therapy bag). He approaches his work as would a physical therapist. He keeps up on the latest information and techniques, and he's not swayed by a lot of psychobabble.

@ @ @ @ @

So, J did a bit of massage, and it helped until about 9:30 p.m. So, I did my exercises and took my meds, then I tried to sleep. No joy. I took another hydrocodone and added heat. No luck. I slept all of about 3 hours.

Friday morning I woke at 4:00 a.m. in pain. I let the dog out then went into the office (I just as well get paid, right?) and did the best I could to catch up on stuff. I called my doctor's office at 10:00 a.m. to let him know that the meds didn't seem to be working. The nurse (from my doc's office) called back to say that there was a prescription for a stronger pain medicine waiting for me at the office. So, I left work early, picked up the prescription, and then I went home. The new script (for oxycodone) helped me to sleep but it did nothing for the pain. I had a 3:00 p.m. appointment for more physical therapy. This is the first time that the therapy didn't work. I was in more pain when I left. So, I reported this to my doctor's office and was told they'd set up an appointment for an MRI.

And then I got a call from the nurse (Donna) at my doc's office. She said, "We can't get you scheduled for an MRI, so you should go to an emergency room and they'll get you jumped ahead of the line. If they have questions they can just call us."

OK. I went to one of the two hospitals she recommended. They did all of the paperwork, took me back to an exam room where I repeated all of the above (except for the asides). I was told, "I'm so sorry, but that's just not how it works. We can't give you anything stronger than they did, and we can't schedule an MRI." On top of that, I was seen by a PA (physician's assistant -- not a real doctor) who not only repeated that there was nothing they could do for me, but she said, "You have to give the therapy more time. We can't just schedule an MRI. I wouldn't do that anyway. I think this is all muscular, not nerve-related."

At this point I was ready to scream. But I didn't. I said that I just as well leave.

"Oh, no, we can still do something for the pain."

Huh? I thought you just said there was nothing you could do for me?!!!!!

They gave me an injection of something (it sounded like Deletol, but I know that's not right) and then a prescription for Valium because, in the opinion of the PA, the cyclobenzaprine was worthless as a muscle relaxant.

Whatever if was they injected me with took the edge off the pain but didn't take it away. It also made my head kind of fuzzy. At any rate, it wore off in 3 hours. I took one of the Valium as directed. It wore off in 6 hours. Now I'm awake and in pain, plus I have a migraine.

Is it healthcare reform that we need in this country, or is it communication reform? I can't believe the the odyssey I've been through in the past couple of days -- people who don't understand the words, "I'm in terrible pain and I need help;" nurses with the misguided notion that I'd get an MRI if I went to an ER; PAs who think they are gods -- and in the end I'm still in pain.

Ghost of Charka

I found this on LOL Dog site and I did, indeed, LOL. That dog looks just like our Charka! But Charka never jumped in my lap like that. She would get really close to me (especially during a thunderstorm), but never would sit on me.
see more dog and puppy pictures

What size are your knitting needles today?

I got an email from a Facebook friend telling me that I should write the color of my bra as my status. (It was "nearly nude" that day -- fun color!) No one knows exactly where it started, but what might have started out as another case of "slactivism" turned into a news story that did, indeed, raise awareness of breast cancer and the importance of screening. Only through Facebook, I think, could something go viral and capture national (and international) attention.

So, I'm wondering whether we should try to raise awareness of knitting by constantly posting the size of our needles for whatever project we're working on today. We'll say we're doing it to raise awareness of . . . carpal tunnel syndrome. Yep, that'll be a good one! :)

My Guys

A gratuitous picture of my cat-guys, Nip (grey) and Tuck.

Parhelia

Click on the image to see it larger.

Sun dogs (parhelia) about 8:30 a.m. on 7 Jan 2010.

Damn, it's cold!

My Weasley Twins

Yes, the school scarves are done and much loved! They were knit with Berroco Comfort (worsted weight) so they are very easy care for my college-dorm nephews.

For the record, they are *not* twins, but they are just as sweet and as fun as Fred and George Weasley!

I Don't Want to Go to School Tomorrow!

Despite the snow and the surgery, the past two weeks have been really great. I've had time off from both of my jobs, plenty of time to just read or work puzzles or knit or sleep or play computer games. Oh, this has been heavenly!

Tomorrow it all ends. Tomorrow is back to the grind. Tomorrow is back to the full-time job and the workout. Tuesday and Wednesday I work both jobs. Thursday is just the full-time job; Friday is both again. The weekend will be all about putting away the Christmas tree and decorations, catching up on laundry, and knitting to a deadline at the end of the month.

Tomorrow it is just cold and snow. There will be no pretty lights, no presents, no cheeriness of the season despite the uncooperative weather. It will all be a pain. It will be cold cars and slippery roads and impassible walks and good-luck-finding-a-parking-place-because-of-the-snow.

Oh, yuck. This is going to take a supreme effort of will to have a good outlook. (Quick -- somebody open the bottle of Happy Pills and grind them into my coffee!)

Happy New Year!

I seem to recall that the blogosphere tradition on the first day of the new year (or was it to be the last day of the old year?) was to make a post that consists of the first sentences of the first post for each month of the previous year.

This is basically what I've been doing.

We've had a fairly mild winter compare to other years.

I was sitting and knitting one afternoon at my LYS (String of Purls).

I don't know whether you have this saying on your side of the pond, but over here it's kind of popular: "Put on your Big Girl Panties [knickers] and deal with it."

Done at last!

OK, I've signed up for Secret Pal 14 and that means I've got to post at least once per week here.

Find the Knitting Survey here.

I've broken my self-imposed rule of No New Projects and started in on scarves for my oldest brother's two sons.

This is a mitten I've started knitting from the handspun that my lovely, no-longer-secret pal Mia sent to me in the second package.

The photo is looking west from my back yard last night (Hallowe'en).

This article (link) is from the Omaha World-Herald about a day-care worker who knit 85 pairs of mittens for little kids.

Knitting Diplomacy

I always have some knitting with me. Usually it's the "no-brainer" knitting project, something I can work out without having to look at it much, something easy to remember (no looking at the pattern). Usually it's a scarf. I've been turning out those 1x1 rib scarves fast and furiously of late just because they are the perfect no-brainer of a scarf to work.

So, Monday morning I went to a hospital for an outpatient procedure. As usual, I had my knitting along (a 1x1 rib scarf that's for a guy in my office, knit from Paton's SWS). The gals at the check-in desk were fascinated. I explained to them that it was a combination of 70% wool and 30% soy, plus it was self-striping. They wanted to adopt me.

This is great. People are fascinated with the knitting. Even if they have knit a washcloth and nearly brag that they couldn't do anything so complicated as a 1x1 rib scarf, they are fascinated by the work and how it all comes out. They become your friends because, after all, you just might decide to knit a scarf for them, right? Well, perhaps not, but these people do become quite friendly and want to talk to you a lot about what you're doing.

Therefore, I think all world leaders need to learn to knit. Yes, they'd still argue over little things like whether to use circular or straight needles, whether the intarsia knitter is more accomplished than the Fair Isle knitter, whether to pick or the throw the stitches -- but at least they'd actually accomplish something constructive in the midst of their constant bickering over nuclear weapons, shady election practices, global warming, and religious zealotry. (And that's just the USA!)

The trouble is that if I (or anyone else) were to send knitting needles to the president or anyone in the cabinet, I (or we) would likely be prosecuted for sending potentially deadly weapons.

Now, I know knitting is powerful, but that would be 'way overreacting! :)

Prezzies!

I photographed this yesterday in the afternoon. I like the tree inside (left) mirrored by its cousin outside.

We slept until about 4:am when my DH awoke with a bit of stomach upset. I watched a bit of television, then went back to bed around 6:30 a.m. When I finally awoke about 5 hours later, we opened presents.

My DH got me

• A calendar of Labrador Retrievers
• The Ultimate Sudoku Challenge book of puzzles
• The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
• A Second Treasury of Knitting Patterns by Barbara G. Walker
• Personal Footprints for Insouciant Sock Knitters by Cat Bordhi

I'm going to go and play with my toys now! :)

Rather Snowed In

The view of our deck (just off the dining area). That peak of snow is about 5' tall.

The rest of the deck is buried about 3' deep in snow all over.

This is on the south side of the house. The front of the house, which faces north, has no snow drifts to speak of.

Happy and Warm

Well, it's a cold and snowy day before Christmas. I've finally cleaned up the living room enough to get a photo of the Christmas tree. You need to click on the photo to see it larger. Most of the ornaments are hand made (the crocheted snowflakes were done by one of my maternal aunts) or else in a folk style.

My DH made bread pudding for breakfast. He topped it with chunks of pears sautéed in a cinnemon spiced maple sauce. There's enough for breakfast tomorrow morning as well.

I cleaned up the dining table so that we could have a nice little breakfast. Nice to have all of the Christmas cards and bills and notices cleaned up from the table so that it could be only for eating!

We opened one gift each this morning. I had him open the present containing the down-filled gloves and the Polartec® underwear. He'll need it in this weather. He gave me a pop-up book of Frank Lloyd Wright architecture, thus combining two of my great pleasures in one -- a love of design and a love of pop-up books! :)

We are taking it easy today. The storm is moving in more slowly than expected, but it is moving in nonetheless. With the delay in arrival, it is certain we'll have snow the remainder of today and through tomorrow night, so there's no hope of going out. Still, we are happy and warm, and there's not much more you can ask for than that.

"Cancel Christmas!"

Dear Mandella,

The weather forecasters have been predicting a very nasty winter storm for us since this past weekend. It's a slow-moving system that starts with rain and freezing rain (which we have today) that will turn to snow and dump anywhere from 7" to 15" on us over the next two days. All plans for Christmas Eve or Christmas day are changing as the dire predictions come true. Many churches canceled any services or events that were scheduled for tonight on account of the threat of ice (a very real possibility given that the temperature drops below freezing when the sun goes down); it's likely that service for the 24th and 25th will be canceled as well.

We are scheduled to work at least 4 hours tomorrow (President Obama gave all federal workers 4 hours off with pay on the 24th), but if the weather looks threatening I will take 4 hours of leave and not go in. I don't need to drive 15 miles to work, then have to turn around and come back when they decide it's bad enough that we should get to go home early.

So, this means more knitting time is available, at least in theory. I also need to get some laundry done and I'd like to tidy up the dining room so that my DH and I can have a nice place to eat a dinner (instead of in front of the television) or at least breakfast on Christmas day. Plus, my DH has asked me to help him with cooking tomorrow. That means I'll be on hand to find things for him (he puts them away after cleaning them, but he can never find them later), to do some clean up, to help with peeling vegetables or whatever. I really don't cook. I mean, I can follow a recipe, but I just don't have the instinct that so many do.

I've finished all of the Christmas knitting already, truth be told. I don't need to get anything else done for that. But I'm working on a couple of patterns that are being re-jigged for KnitPicks. One of the tops is about halfway done; the other is a major re-work because the gauge is different. Plus, the person who is getting it is going to require the garment with a 42" finished chest, which is bigger than the original test garment which had only a 36" chest. I'm trying to get these done before Jan 31st.

Somewhere in there I've promised myself that I will catalog all of my UFOs and list them on my Ravelry site so that I can keep track of what needs to be done. Have you noticed how often you can put aside a project with every intention of picking it up again in a few weeks, only to discover that it's been 3 years? No wonder we call our unfinished objects UFOs -- they go into some sort of eerie time warp once we have to stop working on them for a bit.

Oooh, did you see the great cartoon over at The Pantopticon? Knitters are pleading with the Pope for extra time to get things done before Christmas. Who knew such an appeal would bring us at least 2 extra days on account of a winter storm?

Hope you're safe and warm. I'll try to give you a call on Christmas day.

Love and hugs,

Judith

More Gauge Lies

Click on the images to see them larger. This is why it's important to wash and dry your gauge swatch before determining gauge. The swatch was worked in pattern on US 4 needles; it was machine-washed (as per instructions) and laid flat to dry. Row gauge shrunk (from 9 rows per inch to about 8.5 rows per inch) and stitch gauge expanded from about 6.5 sts per inch to 6 sts per inch).

Winter Solstice Swap Package

Many thanks to jennspeng on Ravelry for this lovely Winter Solstice Swap package. (Click on it to see it larger.) It contained several items with the initial J on them (including a lovely little box and a set of notes), dog treats in a winter-themed tin along with a dog toy, a knitting journal with a cover by Franklin Habit of the Panopticon (see link at left to his blog), a book for knitting star ornaments, "Believe" in rhinestone stickers (I'm still deciding where I'll use this), a cool coffee mug (it says YO K1 on the handle and inside) and two skeins of corn yarn in a lovely violet color!

Thank you, thank you, Jenn! This was lovely!